urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789 that he's cured his disease The Man 2007-08-14T15:12:17Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:87314 2007-08-14T15:12:17Z 2007-08-14T15:12:17Z captain beefheart-abba zabba ahhh so what to say what to say<br />well im at work...<br />thats pretty great.<br />im out of things to work on...<br />hence the rare update<br />how are things in the life of sean?<br />what do i have to say?<br />well i could complain about mosquitoes-<br />i could complain in general cause the truth is i have no plans for this year and im going to mott more or less to put off making plans even more (by the by im still not signed up so maybe that wont happen either)<br />but plans are stupid and i hate michigan (the general hopelessness not the place itself)...<br />id like to go somewhere else but i cant think of anywhere reasonable...<br />and i live in holly again...<br />but all in all i cant complain, im way more calmed down than i was in kzoo and even tho i keep drinking too much its not nearly like too much before<br />and actually things are pretty great (im just used to complaining in the ole lj)<br />bailees great<br />im recording alot which i think is great<br />i want steve and john micheal to rock with me...<br />well its more of like a mellow acoustic grinding with a few elements of noise/feedback and a tape machine<br />but i like the lyrics!<br />IM SO GREAT!<br />so yea...suck on thems apples internet...now over to the myspace to see if anyone loves me! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:87281 2007-06-08T01:21:27Z 2007-06-08T01:21:27Z im drinking six beers with my shirt open and my gut bulging<br />watching old taped tv shows no cable...which is actually kinda nice..theres something about watching really old commercials that makes me happy<br />been working...ALLOT<br />which is good...but it doesnt feel that way yet cause i havent been paid yet<br />trying to write some new songs<br />wanting to rock but softly and only on the weekends cause im always so tired<br />ive been seeing alot of people lately its great<br />greg dryer jumped on my car today in the parking lot of holly foo<br />i guess im just a simpleton after all america<br />i missed this place and all its wonderful people<br />im actually living back at the old house again paying mom a lil money for utilities<br />its wierd but cool<br />is it still ok to write in livejournal? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:86960 2007-05-05T08:34:18Z 2007-05-05T08:34:18Z i miss love urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:86692 2007-05-02T21:07:12Z 2007-05-02T21:07:12Z Respirator Respirator gonna rescue me<br />my ten ton iron lung<br />breathes for me<br />Respirator Respirator keep on keep on<br />wrap your charms around my bones...<br />...cough<br />Radar Radar<br />Sensing Danger Danger<br />Come too close to me<br />Respect, Repent move on give up<br />Get gone from here<br />Cigarette, Cigarette come steal my breath<br />wrap your hands into my veins<br />nicotine stained skinss<br />Renovator, renovate me<br />Replace reprise deface defile me<br />Entwine your hips onto my lips<br />...cough<br />Respirator respirator come rescue me<br />black spot<br />chest rot<br />breathing for me urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:86385 2007-05-01T01:34:24Z 2007-05-01T01:34:24Z i see these people doing things with themselves<br />what am i doing?<br />moving back to fucking holly till i find a place (hopefully in the middle of nowhere)<br />drunkdrinking (heavily)<br />smoking too many cigarettes(too much other stuff)<br />writing (poorly about my loneliness and my non existant love life)<br />rocking (hadleyst)<br />considering suicide (or counceling)<br />school (literally failed everything)<br />and wondering very seriously if there is any reason for me to do anything<br />(probly not)<br />i hope everyone has fun with their degrees and their jobs and their achievments and their personal lives filled with friends and girlfriends and families) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:86133 2007-04-22T19:48:52Z 2007-04-22T19:48:52Z o boy<br />what a great day urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:85876 2007-01-24T10:46:44Z 2007-01-24T10:46:44Z sometimes i smile...not just like im laughing, or trying to seem polite<br />sometimes i actually cannot stop myself from smiling<br />when i wake in the morning and feel how cold it is outside of my bed...i tend to smile<br />when i talk to an old friend who isnt old. when i think about what i used to have<br />and when i think about what i want to have<br />when i play music and it is on and alive and breathing<br />when i paint and draw and all that shit<br />when i wake up in the morning and see all the pictures hung on my wall of all the friends i used to have<br />sometimes i smile and i feel it way deep inside my gut<br />like i took a big hit and cant control the coughing<br />i drive down the lonely roads lined with retail stores and restaraunts.<br />and i smile then when i fianlly descend into the valley in cold pink dawn...can see my house from here<br />and i smile so big...<br />i just dont know what to do urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:85677 2007-01-19T13:58:52Z 2007-01-19T13:58:52Z gone daddy gone<br />the love is gone<br />gone away urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:85447 2006-12-03T04:27:17Z 2006-12-03T04:27:17Z hey remember me?<br /><br /><br /><br />well if u do...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />fuck off and die urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:85139 2006-11-08T19:03:45Z 2006-11-08T19:03:45Z where am i?<br />on my bed in my room (enjoying a nice parcel of fresh produce)<br />upstairs in my house, on my street in my neighborhood<br />in kalamazoo<br />i think im getting used to things here<br />and thats a good thing<br />i need to quit drinking so much, and maybe some minor thought for physical health would be good<br />but besides that, i think im doing pretty good<br />i no longer feel bored all the time (as i did with school two days a week and nothing else)<br />i think work has alot to do with it,<br />also the whole time i couldnt shake the feeling that it was like a vacation<br />as in the last time i moved away<br />but now im playing music with folks, and writing cooler and cooler stuff, im even trying to read freud so that i can look even smarter in a cardigan sweater with leather elbow patches.<br />so where am i?<br />in a good place.<br />where is everybody else? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:84928 2006-11-02T07:33:39Z 2006-11-02T07:33:39Z i am a terrible desgusting person<br />damn<br /><br /><br />didnt ever wanna be this way urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:84731 2006-10-27T04:39:22Z 2006-10-27T04:39:22Z wrote this thing today<br /><br />sometimes i feel like a tree in a parking lot<br />i sit here with nothing to do<br />but sit and watch the people<br />collide in their vehicles<br />and run back and forth<br />when its raining<br /><br />school is alright. today i went to racism and thats it, as i felt i needed to sleep in.<br />if one of u wants to buy me a new amplifier then i would probly be ur love slave or something<br /><br />sometimes i feel as a wilted wanderer<br />always passing through<br />no matter where i'm headed to<br /><br />personal note:<br />i hate life urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:84425 2006-10-09T04:58:36Z 2006-10-09T04:58:36Z so the best news i have to display is that i have discovered a new brand of cheap beer which is called "red dog"<br />if u have 14 dollars and want thirty beers i highly suggest this uncommonly smooth pilsner draft...mmm<br />other than that im fucking miserable<br />i wrote four new poems/songs today while i was sitting there being lonely and also miserable...<br />my poor little kitty cant come inside and i love him more than i love anyone else.<br />his name is vince glortho the key master of gozer, and he is the nicest kitty that ever lived since angela's cat "kitty"<br />im also very upset about my family...<br />once again it feels like i dont have one<br />i guess i really dont...<br />i have a father who lives across the planet, a mother and a brother (who both still rock) an uncle or two who i either completely dislike or dont ever ever see, my dads side of the family is completely dismembered and my mom's side is dead <br />or just plain not around<br />i feel alone<br />i also still dont have any love<br />or any hope<br />or any reason to not live in the past<br />when i was still miserable...just with less responsibility and longer hair.<br />i have a feeling ill continue on<br />and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on etc. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:84066 2006-09-26T07:45:59Z 2006-09-26T07:45:59Z star wars:<br />return of the jedi:<br />is the most beautiful touching film ever made<br />just thought id say<br />minus the new version with the digitally impossed 2nd and 3rd episode darthvader put in at the end...fuck that<br />but i still had a tear in my eye when luke took off that mask and saw his father for the first time<br />goodnight america. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:83878 2006-09-26T02:45:04Z 2006-09-26T02:45:04Z i am trying to devise a new drinking game with steven<br />we are watching ghostbusters and and drinking every time somethine killer happens<br />so far i am very drunk<br />i have been thinking alot of thoughts today.<br />i see the way that people live and i become confused and sad.<br />the bums, the criminals, the wierdos, the fags, the junkies, the schitzos...one with no teeth asks me for a buck three or four times. id like to smack him.<br />id like to think that everything i do means something...atleast to me.<br />but im not sure anymore.<br />maybe im just wasting time, denying the inevitable.<br />maybe ill go back to guam, maybe ill cut my hair and tattoo a spider on my face.<br />maybe ill kill a man and spend the rest of my days in prison. maybe ill just start shooting junk.<br />maybe ill just keep on drinking.<br />but o well<br />i am trying to devise a new way of living...i think urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:83578 2006-09-24T06:54:40Z 2006-09-24T06:54:40Z i found no love in the hollowed out belly of a dead elk<br />only warmth...and comfort<br />but then the questions...<br />why are you in the hollowed out belly of a dead elk?<br />is it because of love?? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:83300 2006-09-22T07:18:16Z 2006-09-22T07:18:16Z i think that race is distasteful and vulgur.<br />i also think that wool is the most fantastic thing ever.<br />kids in the hall is very funny..and dave foley looks suprisingly good in a dress.<br />jesus was black.<br />god is a hermamphrodite.<br />satan is a frenchman.<br />i am a mutt.<br />i enjoy bright colors but only when theyre on tv.<br />when i walk around i keep my eyes to the ground<br />ill never fall in love again<br />im a wierdo<br />i want to grow my hair longer<br />i like drinking beer.<br />i miss my dog...like five years ago<br />i miss my home...like five years ago<br />i miss not having any thoughts or responsibilities or cares or anything...even though i thought those times were so desperate.<br />im not desperate now...just thinking clearly.<br />i enjoy seeing girls with a heightened sense of fashion<br />i want a girl who wears those hideous modern art dresses from the 60s<br />i want alot of things<br />and i feel pretty good about that<br />im going to try really hard to make something nice and worth while<br />(an album a novel a painting)<br />a microwave pot pie<br />wish me luck urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:83160 2006-09-21T04:54:42Z 2006-09-21T04:54:42Z i am so happy<br />because i am sitting here watching kids in the hall (which is hilarious) drinking a labatt wearing all my warmest things and wrapped in my favorite blanket of all time. i wonder if happiness isnt just all those unimportant things that happen inbetween everything "else".<br />i went back to holly this past weekend, it was pretty fun...sorta. more depressing.<br />my house is empty and lonely now except for my dog who is also empty and lonely.<br />but i guess its alright...even though i became quite upset while i was sitting there in that place.<br />i guess its just change and growing up.<br />feels kinda rough tho.<br />ive been trying to write more lately. i just cant figure out what to write about.<br />which is odd because i used to write so extensively about nothing. but i guess that means im getting better.<br />or that im quitting<br />ive been enjoying playing guitar.<br />if someone wants to send me some money to get my amp fixed thatd be nice<br />i wrote a poem last year when i lived on guam...when i realized it was autumn...that was about missing the cold weather and the change in the seasons. it was a good poem, but that doesnt matter...i love the fall and i love that i had my slight leave of absence from it...so that everything seems fresh and new<br />This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,<br />To love that well, which thou must leave ere long.<br />or something like that<br /><br />thanks bill urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:82911 2006-09-14T01:38:26Z 2006-09-14T01:38:26Z been writing more often...not that much...but ive been thinking everyday. all day, until i start drinking...heavily.<br />i kinda like livejournal alot more now-a-days because it seems like no one really does it anymore...what can i say? im just an elitist. but more because it seems like no one really reads it anymore.<br />i have a real journal now. i think it is very charming because it is about twenty years older than i am black and hard covered. i found it in a box in my garage. my dad had begun it when he was twenty-five or so. so i picked it up and hopefully i will finish it. i dont think that he will mind.<br />i read a book the other day which i would suggest to most people...its called steppenwolf. it was very wierd and im still trying to decifer its meaning. i also read a play called waiting for godot the other day. it was one of the best things i ever came in contact with...fantastic<br />besides that school has been alright. boring thus far. hopefully it will be all i had expected.<br />i hate it however, becauase it feels just like highschool...again again again.<br />atleast in guam it was somewhat like a cultural study...even when all i was thinking about was the ignorance and complete uselessness of my generation<br />i was heartened tho when i heard the results of this "philisophic survey"...everyone in this particular class...minus three...thought that the world was in a state of irreversible decline<br />sweet justification<br />so word urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:82615 2006-09-08T05:04:18Z 2006-09-08T05:04:18Z Poems about Television<br /><br />They say there’s a man with teeth so damn straight you could point them towards the sun and learn to navigate<br />And he’s got pockets full of dope the likes of which most folks never know—and he gets to feeling so fine…that he doesn’t care how or why.<br />And they say there’s a girl with parts that all curve into the right arches and her bones and her skin all bronzed and flawless<br />And she’s got eyes that look like cellophane shades of greenish blue sapphires and deep rich jade, and she lives in a tower somewhere alone—and everything she sees—well she’s always looking down<br />And we don’t talk about it, but there’s a war in the TV set—between little tiny men who I’ve never met, so really it makes no difference.<br />When one of them comes and one of them goes and the special effects…gee wiz…what a show<br />We all write poems about TV and are very interested in the fiction and lies that we see—we talk all the time about other people’s lives, who live richly and well, better than any of us ever will.<br />Ain’t it great? Ain’t it grand? Too be we modern men, western and white, with credit cards and electrical lights, gasoline engines, O wonderous life, nuclear powered pistons and pipes pumping sewage to the center of the earth; and the acrid stink of the hideous shit becomes fused with the stuff that all of us are made of.<br />And so here we are.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />and...<br /><br /><br /><br />Stand up—retreat <br /><br />Stand up—retreat, get on- with it<br />Realize, repent—cease and desist <br />Undone—repair. Unseen, but I’m here<br />Ok. Believe. Just try. Get free.<br />Whiskey. And Gin. Washed up. Forgive.<br />Wake up. No thing. Fall back. Nothing.<br />We take. What we need. We pluck it, from the trees<br />Tear down. Resist. Destroy. Get pissed.<br /><br />They paint abstract pictures of vaginas and dicks<br />Put them in frames and make millions off the shit<br />Baby, baby, baby I am so in love with myself<br /><br />Stand up—retreat. We try. But we fail.<br />Demise, untried, o lord. Crucified.<br />Strung high. Hung low. Heads. In rows.<br />Got eyes. Got teeth. Got skin. Got meat.<br />And we talk. Real loud. Stand tall. Be proud.<br />Black bird. No mouth. Red eyes. Wrong crowd.<br />Aint much. No thing. Don’t care. Don’t think.<br /><br />We paint obscene words all over the world<br />So everyone knows just how pissed we are<br />Baby, baby, baby I am so angry<br />We cut our skin with knives mixed rust and blood<br />This is a violent life I need murder in my love<br />And b-b-baby I wanna love you.<br /><br /><br />so besides that nothing really...today one of my classes was cancelled so i had two hours to kill in this shitty little diner...i sat reading my book about vietnam (warbookkickforthepastfewdays) there was this man who made me extremely uncomfortable...sat talking to himself, very intensely, going through all the motions, seemed to be screaming inside...told himself one damn funny joke or two laughed outloud at himself. and the whole time he kept staring at me. terrifying really. getting drunk right now, watching old simpsons episodes. about to start writing i think.<br />peace urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:82300 2006-08-29T00:21:38Z 2006-08-29T00:21:38Z the sky is blue and all the leaves are green<br />the suns as warm as a baked potato<br />i think i know precicely what i mean<br />when i say its a shpedoinkle day<br />and as i ride with my girl<br />shes my best friend in the whole world<br />we move along--set our goals high<br />with eyes full of hope as we aim for the..<br />..sky is blue and all the leaves are green<br />my hearts as pure as a baked potato<br />i think i know exactly what i mean<br />when i say its a shpedoinkle day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:82124 2006-08-08T03:58:14Z 2006-08-08T03:58:14Z laughing<br />hahafuckingha<br />if u cant keep up- then fall behind<br />do you hear me?<br />if you dont realize what u need to do, if u dont see the truth when it spits in ur face, if you dont want to believe what everyone knows is out there...then fuck u<br />spend all ur time drinking until u die, buy an apartment above the antique shoppezs in downtown holly, be nothing, be noone<br />because i know whats going on up here, i know what im thinking and feeling...and its pretty much all negative/awful...so i guess if u dont understand that, then y0u mean nothing. if you want to be irrelivant keep on keepin on<br />but if u want to get the shit kickin<br />come with me<br />(: urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:81861 2006-08-02T21:37:41Z 2006-08-02T21:37:41Z no one likes my dog anymore, and i dont think its her fault.<br />ive just done the math and she is 91 years old.<br />it might be expected that when a person (even a dog-person)turns that old they would start to decay and probably develop alot of wierd habits and things. but people are unforgiving of my dog, who is 91 years old, for a dog.<br />I think her life has been terribly traumatic for a dog...<br />well im assuming.<br />but id like to ask everyone to just forgive her quirks and her problems, i know that she doesnt treat anyone right, and she smells bad, and she isnt cute anymore so no one gives her treats or pets her, and i know she doesnt know any tricks or even how to lay down.<br />but shes a fine old dog.<br />and given the chance i think she'd prove me right.<br />but i dont think she'll get the chance, i have a feeling that she's going going going gone soon.<br />i think she'll be reincarnated as a butterfly.<br />now that that is said...<br />i dont have anything else to say urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:81415 2006-08-01T10:03:40Z 2006-08-01T10:03:40Z they say that a man who would pray alone in the dark and the silence is a holier man than he who would go to temple every day and always pray the loudest urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:susej789:81363 2006-07-31T19:51:22Z 2006-07-31T19:51:22Z fosters' home for imaginary friends so guess what<br />im waiting to go to kalamazoo and help unload a uhaul and then come home tonite so i can work the rest of this week and then FINALLY MOVE OUT OF THIS PODUNK PIECEOFSHIT BOONDOCK HELLHOLE this weekend.<br />not sure which day.<br />so if anyof u scumbags want to do something fun then show me some love.<br />probly not tho huh?<br />o well. <br />so anyways, this has been the longest summer of my life (december10th-present) and im sick of it, im sick of being here, and (no offense)im sick of all of u people.<br />i found out that there was a rather large family of circus people who were amongst the earliest townsfolk of holly...<br />vindication...i knew it holly michigan.<br />so anyways...<br />peace